A Change Of Pace...

As you may have noticed by the title of this entry, this discussion is not actually airsoft related. As my readers, I feel a slight responsibility to discuss with you what is going on with my life and the potential ramifications it may have on this blog. If you feel that this discussion may not be your cup of tea, you are welcome to stop reading right now. If you find that you love me or my blog enough to bear with me through my personal trials, then by all means keep reading.

For those of you who enjoyed my foray into the ridiculous with my partial list of reasons why airsoft is superior to many things, I am afraid this entry into my blog may disappoint you. For a time, I felt the need to vent my frustrations and take my comedic talent to a new level, with the last several blog entries. Not to say that these entries weren’t factual, useful or relevant, but I digress, much of their purpose was to entertain rather than educate.

Therefore, I have decided to return to old form and place some more relevant and informative blog entries, regarding information that will educate with perhaps an unlooked for sense of hilarity. Close your eyes and think of it like this, imagine you are in school and I am your instructor, a common setting. Now imagine that while I am instructing you on the political aspects of the French Revolution, that I am sh*tfaced drunk and super horny.

Now open your eyes, it’ll be something like that.

So, I’ve been playing airsoft for many years. I have gone through many phases during that time, some superficial, others materialistic and in some cases egotistical. You may be saying to yourself right now, “Hey Kirby, you’re not egotistical?” Well I am my friend, but much less than aforetime. See in the past I would have never said two words to you, unless it was to tell you that you were a worthless piece of sh*t, considering myself vastly superior.

Now, although I do still consider myself superior in some ways, my ego consists of listening to you speak while feigning interest in the hopes that you will get the hell away from me, before I punch you in the face, because I don’t give a sh*t about the new tbb you put in your sportsline or the move you almost made until my squad overwhelmed your position. Then I will tell OTHER people that you are a worthless piece of sh*t behind your back.

I'm just kidding, what do I care if other people know how sh*tty you are.

For those of you who know me well, let’s do a little experiment and see how many guys try to talk airsoft to me after they read this entry.

My educated guess… EVERYONE.

Why? Because there is nothing an airsofter loves more than hearing themselves talk about airsoft.

On a side note, I had some exciting news this week as I learned that I happened to win two “best looking” airsoft gun competitions hosted by my local community forum this week. I would like to tell you that I am surprised that I won BOTH competions, but I am not.

Why you ask?

Because  I am a winner and that’s what winners do, they win.

Lastly, please forgive the space that has been created between my blog entries. I graduate this month, and I have been cramming for the past couple of weeks to defend my thesis. I assure you that within the next few weeks entries will arrive with more frequency.

Oh and before I forget, do you remember before when I called you a friend?

I was lying; you are not a friend that was just to lure you into a sense of comfort.

Here is a little Kirby euphemism…

There are only two types of people in airsoft, brothers and tangos. If you are not by brother then you are a tango, there is no in between.

Get it?

10 Reasons Airsoft Is Better Than Sex, Paintball And Lonely Japanese Girls

So, let me begin by apologizing for misrepresenting myself in the title of this blog entry. After much thought, I have decided that there is absolutely nothing in this world better than lonely Japanese girls. For those of you who are saying to yourselves, “Uhh you’re wrong Kirby airsoft is definitely better”. That is only because you have never met or been involved with a lonely Japanese girl.

That being the case, I will not argue my point and will allow you to keep your restricted point of view. Don’t feel slighted by my comment, some of us have it and some of us don’t. I know I have it and I know you don’t, so let’s continue to remain civil.

So ten reasons airsoft is better than sex and paintball. Better than sex you ask? Absolutely, I understand at this point you may not agree with me, but allow me the opportunity to convince you.

I am not going to compile a numbered list as some of you may assume. The defense of my point will be a compilation of theories and observations.

Enjoy…

The McDonalds Theory

Were friends, so let’s be honest. Airsoft doesn’t exactly attract the cream of the crop from society; it doesn’t necessarily attract the dregs either. Let’s say if we were a tax bracket, a majority of airsofters would be considered lower/middle income. Or look at this way, if we were in the business world, most of you would be working the drive thru window at McDonalds and I would be the CEO of Victoria’s Secret. Don’t be upset, if you think that the McDonald’s employee is not you, then maybe it isn’t. Maybe you are like a janitor at Victoria Secret.

So considering my fast food example, I think it’s safe to say that a majority of airsofter do not get the opportunity to enjoy the opposite sex as some of us do. Think about it; look around the parking lot at the next game. Am I wrong? No. Am I offensive? Yes.

So if this aspects of relationships or one night stands is not available to most airsofters, then it's safe to say they don’t know what they are missing right? So, becausse of their lack of expereince they may be inclined to assume that airsoft is better. See how my logic falls into place.

This theory is not a perfect fit for everyone, so let's continue...

Tangos Don’t Say No or Get Headaches

Unlike girls, tangos do not succumb to menstrual periods or mood swings. When your aggression level is ten, you can count on the opfors being the same. Therefore, you’re opponent will never turn down a good fire fight. Day, night, rain, sleet, snow, you can be sure that someone will always be available to shoot at and help you relieve some pent up frustration and aggression. Though they may not be as enticing or attractive as a woman, you can count on two things when it comes to tangos that you cannot with women.

1)      Tangos will never yell “Stop that hurts!”

2)      After you’ve shot a tango and are done with them, they know it’s time to shut the f*ck up and leave you alone.

A Quick Finish Isn’t A Bad Thing

Let us again be honest among friends. We are more likely to run a 10 minute mile than we are a 4 hour marathon. Nothing personal, but we don’t always perform our best and sometimes… well sometimes all it takes is a commercial break. If you are thinking to yourself “Hey that’s not me”, you are full of sh*t and a damn liar. The people who think their sh*t doesn’t stink, are those with the stinkiest sh*t.

So anyway “quick finishes”.

 Finishing quickly with a girl is not a good thing. It happens to everyone, you start feeling self-conscious, judged and well less of a man than you usually do. The last thing you need is a smoking hot girl thinking you’re a loser, because you didn’t perform up to par. For those of you who are married who gives a shit what she thinks, she f*cking stuck with you anyway, right?

On the other end of the spectrum, completing your objectives in the shortest amount of time possible is a great accomplishment. You feel self satisfaction, confidence, comradery, and new strength in your abilities. You also have a bunch of cool guys telling you, you are f*cking awesome. I know it’s not a girl saying it, but wouldn’t you rather be complimented by your peers than a girl?

Anyway, those are just the first few. I hope you enjoyed them, if you didn’t that ok, I’m a f*cking superstar remember?