Ah, now we get to the heart of the matter.
Who doesn't want to be popular?
If your answer to this is no, then not only are you a liar, but you have come to terms with the fact that you are such a f*cking loser, the second coming could happen with the messiah blessing you himself in front a the world it wouldn't help a bit. Don't feel to bad, the world needs f*cking losers. Why you ask? To make guys like me look even cooler than we already are. I know, I know, I didn't think that was possible, but I guess it just shows us what a big loser you really are.
If you are mad at my loser comment, take comfort in the fact that your World of Warcraft buddies are probably online right now waiting for you to log on. You guys can chat about looting, pillaging and all the hot girls at school who will never talk to you because you look like ... well you look like you. See.... I made it better already.
Ok, so you're probably wondering about the theme of this blog entry. How do I know what can make you popular, right? Well if you think it's necessary let's talk credentials.
1) I'm Kirby.
2) I have a straight f*cking legit tier one operator look going on.
3) You want to be like me and during games you stand next to me just to hear the awesome things that come out of my mouth.
If that is not enough to satisfy you, then please stop reading my blog immediately, because you have less sense that a bag of sh*t covered in burnt dog hair. Seriously! I am one of the most beloved members of my community.
Man do I get off track!
So you want to be a superstar??
Steps 1-3...
Grow A Pair Of Balls
- Superstars exude confidence, in play, in person, online. Superstars act like they always know what the f*ck they are talking about. Now you are new to this theory so your confidence level may not be as high as you want it, but the key is ACTING like you know what the f*ck you are talking about. It's ok if you don't, not everybody does, but your purpose should be to exude enough confidence that others are convinced that your word is gospel. This doesn't mean hassling them until they believe you, just believe in yourself, keep your cool and the rest will follow. If someone says your wrong, look at them straight in the eye and don't say sh*t. Why? Because you don't have to prove sh*t to anybody you're a f*cking superstar.
Stay Cool
- Superstars don't loose their cool. Get shot in the face with an AEG at 10 ft? Stay cool. Shoot someone ten times and they don't call it? Stay cool. Here is why? Anyone can get upset, and wearing your emotions on your sleeve is a recipe for disaster.
In situations such as these, two things come from staying cool...
1) People are unable to read what you are thinking based on your appearance.
2) People who don't understand you learn to fear you, not in the sense that you will hurt them, but in the sense that you are unpredictable. Fear leads to respect, respect leads to developing your position of authority.
Don't Be To Cool For School
- Don't act like your better than everybody else. Acting like an elitist @sshole leads to disdain, not popularity or respect. You know what a major characteristic of a great leader is? Being in touch with those in your environment (the common man) and being aware of their needs. Winston Churchill, raging drunk, abusive to women, great f*cking leader. He held England's hand through World War II and they loved him for it. People will over look your faults if they can relate to you.
This might sound a little mushy, but think about it, did people really love Hitler? Or were they just scared sh*tless by him? During the later years of the war after the Germans lost Tunisia, Hitler's own field marshals and generals new that overall defeat was imminent. But did they say anything? No. Why? Not because he was beloved, but because they were afraid that if they spoke up they would be executed. People love one of their own, act like you care and people will follow. Act superior and you'll be left out in the cold alone, making witty remarks that no one will ever hear or care about.
Follow my recipe for success or don't, it's up to you. Does it work? Yes. How do I know? Experience. I am not saying this is 100% guaranteed... well yes actually I am saying that. If you try it and it doesn't work for you, then the problem is you, not the plan. Think I'm wrong? Come say it too my face the next time you see me and watch me not do sh*t about it, because I'm a f*cking superstar, I don't have to prove anything to anyone.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Airsoft Ettiquete: Why You Can't Call Someone A Douchebag To Their Face
So, for those few who actually read my blog, you may have noticed that I have taken somewhat of an extended break. Since I am this type of guy, I'm going to frank. For a time I lost all inspiration to write about anything airsoft related. I know it sounds terrible and it was, but it is not nearly as terrible as when your wife's herpes starts acting up, so don't feel too sorry for me.
At this point, a noble and considerate person might apologize for his misdirection. However, I write this f*cking blog and you do not, so that is not going to happen. If you want to start your own blog and ignore your kids to write by all means go ahead. Then you can tell people to go f*ck themselves as I just did.
So, let's discuss airsoft etiquette or as I like to call it, remembering your Emily Post. For those of you who do not know, Emily Post was an author during the 19th century who wrote many well received books about proper etiquette in just about every situation imaginable.
To begin, I would like to share a story about a recent experience I had. I was in an airsoft forum related altercation with another member. My verbal abuse of this member was not vulgar, nor was it tasteless. It was hilarious, factual and somewhat witty. However, the most important thing is that it was out of line. Did I mean what I said? Yes. Do I regret what I said? No.
Why not?
Because I meant every damn word, living your life with regrets is an ingredient in the recipe to make your entire life a failure. Saying exactly what you think, develops a sense of satisfaction within ones self that is impossible to resist. That is why I do it all the time. Developing such a characteristic in your pallet does tend to earn you enemies, but if you are similar to me, you couldn't give a damn about what other people think.
So, some rules of etiquette for airsoft...
Yelling at Cheaters
I recently experienced a southernCalifornia
However, I greatly desired to inform him that I was not cheating and that the reason he may have thought so is because we are f*cking awesome at airsoft and he is not. Of course, I would let him know that this was in no way his fault, but the fault of his captains for providing poor leadership, his parents for turning him into a p*ssy and God for not respecting his parents enough to endow them with a child who had any f*cking common sense or tactical ability. But I digress; I made no such remark although it would undeniably be a benefit to this person.
Yelling at a cheater is in bad taste and completely unnecessary. Common courtesy states that all members of the airsoft community should be treated with equal respect on the field. This rule should be followed, even if they act like f*cking retards, or play like a blind kid who's having a seizure. If someone is cheating simply inform an admin or continue to shoot this person until they decide to call it. If you would like to go back to the parking lot between games and tell your buddies what a *sshole that kid is do so, by all means that is your right.
Yelling at people can have egregious results.
1) Yelling at this person can make them feel singled out, creating a feeling of animosity and tension.
2) This tension and animosity can spread like a wild fire through community members, aggregating feeling of hostility among individuals who were not involved in the original incident.
3) If done by more respected and popular community members, this example may be followed and enacted by others who see this person as a pillar of their local airsoft community. This is another tool in developing tension and disrespect.
4) Victims of yelling may feel ostracized from other community members and lose interest in the hobby. This has the potential to greatly reduce the number of tangos you need to eliminate prior to completing the next objective.
I will continue discussing other airsoft related etiquette protocols in later entries.
I would like to say I am glad to be back. For those of you who have hounded me to continue creating witty and brilliant entries in my blog, I am happy to say that you can finally shut the f*ck up.
At this point, a noble and considerate person might apologize for his misdirection. However, I write this f*cking blog and you do not, so that is not going to happen. If you want to start your own blog and ignore your kids to write by all means go ahead. Then you can tell people to go f*ck themselves as I just did.
So, let's discuss airsoft etiquette or as I like to call it, remembering your Emily Post. For those of you who do not know, Emily Post was an author during the 19th century who wrote many well received books about proper etiquette in just about every situation imaginable.
To begin, I would like to share a story about a recent experience I had. I was in an airsoft forum related altercation with another member. My verbal abuse of this member was not vulgar, nor was it tasteless. It was hilarious, factual and somewhat witty. However, the most important thing is that it was out of line. Did I mean what I said? Yes. Do I regret what I said? No.
Why not?
Because I meant every damn word, living your life with regrets is an ingredient in the recipe to make your entire life a failure. Saying exactly what you think, develops a sense of satisfaction within ones self that is impossible to resist. That is why I do it all the time. Developing such a characteristic in your pallet does tend to earn you enemies, but if you are similar to me, you couldn't give a damn about what other people think.
So, some rules of etiquette for airsoft...
Yelling at Cheaters
I recently experienced a southern
However, I greatly desired to inform him that I was not cheating and that the reason he may have thought so is because we are f*cking awesome at airsoft and he is not. Of course, I would let him know that this was in no way his fault, but the fault of his captains for providing poor leadership, his parents for turning him into a p*ssy and God for not respecting his parents enough to endow them with a child who had any f*cking common sense or tactical ability. But I digress; I made no such remark although it would undeniably be a benefit to this person.
Yelling at a cheater is in bad taste and completely unnecessary. Common courtesy states that all members of the airsoft community should be treated with equal respect on the field. This rule should be followed, even if they act like f*cking retards, or play like a blind kid who's having a seizure. If someone is cheating simply inform an admin or continue to shoot this person until they decide to call it. If you would like to go back to the parking lot between games and tell your buddies what a *sshole that kid is do so, by all means that is your right.
Yelling at people can have egregious results.
1) Yelling at this person can make them feel singled out, creating a feeling of animosity and tension.
2) This tension and animosity can spread like a wild fire through community members, aggregating feeling of hostility among individuals who were not involved in the original incident.
3) If done by more respected and popular community members, this example may be followed and enacted by others who see this person as a pillar of their local airsoft community. This is another tool in developing tension and disrespect.
4) Victims of yelling may feel ostracized from other community members and lose interest in the hobby. This has the potential to greatly reduce the number of tangos you need to eliminate prior to completing the next objective.
I will continue discussing other airsoft related etiquette protocols in later entries.
I would like to say I am glad to be back. For those of you who have hounded me to continue creating witty and brilliant entries in my blog, I am happy to say that you can finally shut the f*ck up.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Part One Of Things You Do That Are Starting To Piss Me Off
Based on my last few posts, I know that this post should be a continuation of my discussion about airsoft personalities. I'm sure who were enthralled by my clever insights and my reference to Chuck Norris. However, I am not in the best mood this morning and you know I tend to get sidetracked, so today is one of those days.
My socially relevant issue today, has to do with airsoft forums and people who act like f*cking retards. I know, I know it’s an excellent discussion topic. Hey, why else would you be reading my blog, right? So let's begin...
One of the things I despise most on forums is people who act like f*cking know it alls. What do you think you're doing? We all know that the advice you are giving was just copy and pasted from some more intelligent person's thread or from the manufactures website. So why do you always act like you came up with some brilliant original thought?
I have some bad news, we all know that you don't know sh*t, which is ok because most of us think you're a joke anyway. Hey, I could look up all kinds of useful information as well, if I wasn't busy having a life filled with sex, accomplishments, general awesomeness and owning your @ss on the field.
The only relevant form of advice is based on personal experience. That means your experiences not someone else’s. I also read that cybergun is the devil, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to pass it off as my original idea. There are only two types of people who do things of that nature. People who just aren't smart enough to come up with something on their own and those who need everyone's approval.
That's right I said it, you need everyone’s approval. I'm sorry that your mommy didn't hug you enough as a child and tell you she loved you, but I'm not going to fill that f*cking void for you. So grow some balls and just come to terms with the fact that nobody like you.
Let's add to this...
Why the hell do you take decisions airsoft manufactures make so personally? I understand being frustrated by some of their less intelligent decisions, but what the hell did they do to you? Oh that's right, they were watching their bottom line, so they can continue to make a profit by offering quality products to ungrateful @ssholes like you.
Do you know why they discontinued production of your favorite pistol? Because they did a focus group and found out that only goat humping mama's boys like that gun and they decided they didn't particularly want that slice of the market share. I mean seriously, why do you act like they slept with your mom? I slept with your mom and you don't act that way with me. So what's your deal?
Anyway I think I'm done for today. I think I've pissed enough people off to make this one of my more popular posts. I'll add some more at a later time when the mood suits me.
My socially relevant issue today, has to do with airsoft forums and people who act like f*cking retards. I know, I know it’s an excellent discussion topic. Hey, why else would you be reading my blog, right? So let's begin...
One of the things I despise most on forums is people who act like f*cking know it alls. What do you think you're doing? We all know that the advice you are giving was just copy and pasted from some more intelligent person's thread or from the manufactures website. So why do you always act like you came up with some brilliant original thought?
I have some bad news, we all know that you don't know sh*t, which is ok because most of us think you're a joke anyway. Hey, I could look up all kinds of useful information as well, if I wasn't busy having a life filled with sex, accomplishments, general awesomeness and owning your @ss on the field.
The only relevant form of advice is based on personal experience. That means your experiences not someone else’s. I also read that cybergun is the devil, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to pass it off as my original idea. There are only two types of people who do things of that nature. People who just aren't smart enough to come up with something on their own and those who need everyone's approval.
That's right I said it, you need everyone’s approval. I'm sorry that your mommy didn't hug you enough as a child and tell you she loved you, but I'm not going to fill that f*cking void for you. So grow some balls and just come to terms with the fact that nobody like you.
Let's add to this...
Why the hell do you take decisions airsoft manufactures make so personally? I understand being frustrated by some of their less intelligent decisions, but what the hell did they do to you? Oh that's right, they were watching their bottom line, so they can continue to make a profit by offering quality products to ungrateful @ssholes like you.
Do you know why they discontinued production of your favorite pistol? Because they did a focus group and found out that only goat humping mama's boys like that gun and they decided they didn't particularly want that slice of the market share. I mean seriously, why do you act like they slept with your mom? I slept with your mom and you don't act that way with me. So what's your deal?
Anyway I think I'm done for today. I think I've pissed enough people off to make this one of my more popular posts. I'll add some more at a later time when the mood suits me.
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